UU Jokes

The Kindergarten class at a UU Church was discussing "prayer", and the children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with "amen." Does anyone know what "amen" means, the RE teacher asked. There was a long silence. Then one little boy piped up, with appropriate, computer-age gestures, and said, "Well, I think it means, like, "send."

Oh, how we UU's lurve our coffee....
It is show-and-tell day at school, and all the children are requested to bring in an item which illustrates their religious beliefs. David stands up and says "This is a star of David and I am a Jew". Dorothy stands up and says "This is a crucifix and I am a Catholic". Jimmy stands up and says "This is a coffeepot and I am a Unitarian!"

You might be a UU if . . .

• you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan.
• when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls--and Birkenstocks (and your wife thinks you look great!)
• you are unsure about the gender of God.
• you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
• you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
• the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
• you think the Holy Trinity is "reduce, reuse and recycle."
• your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."
• You think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to do coffee.
• You get mail from committees you didn't know you were on.
• You know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.
  

Seems there is a guy who saves for twenty years to buy his dream car. He finally shells out a fortune for a brand-new, high-horsepower Lamborghini. Recognizing the deeply felt significance of realizing his lifelong dream, he drives over to a nearby Catholic Church and knocks on the parsonage door. "Father, I was wondering whether you'd be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini." "Certainly, my son, " replies the priest, "but what's a Lamborghini?" "Sorry to have troubled you father - I just have a feeling you're not the right man for the job."
He drives to a nearby United Church and repeats the question: "Pastor, I was wondering whether you'd be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini." "Certainly, "replies the pastor, "but what's a Lamborghini." "Gosh, Pastor, I guess maybe you're not the right person for this job."
He drives a little further along and comes to a UU meeting house and finds the minister. "I was wondering whether you would be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini." "Certainly," replies the UU minister, "I'd love to. But . . . . what's a 'blessing'?"

Three religious persons are discussing when life begins.
The Catholic said, "Life begins at the moment of conception."
The Jew said, "Life begins at the moment of birth."
The Unitarian Universalist said, "Life begins when the last child goes off to college and the dog dies.

Seven Religious Truths of Recognition...

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these seven religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognized Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognized Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World.
4. Episcopalians sometimes do not recognize their own bishops, especially if they are gay.
5. Buddhists do not recognize themselves, because they have forgotten the self in order to know the self.
6. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters, liquor stores, and casinos.
7. Unitarian Universalists do not recognize each other when shopping at Wal Mart.